You are not alone! The divorce process can make you feel very out of control and often powerless. And everyone has advice for you – friends, family, professionals you might meet! There is rarely someone you meet who doesn’t offer you their ideas for how to survive the gut-wrenching divorce process.
Here are my three best approaches for getting your feet on the ground and taking back some control –
1. Take care of yourself. You know all those people with advice? If you have children and can’t figure out where you are going to find the time for yourself, ask someone you trust to care for your kids while you take care of some business! Rather than advice, you would much prefer relief so that you can take care of the most important person in this situation you are in –you!
2. Get yourself organized for creating the next chapter in your life. You can become the one who decides where to live, who to invite into the house. What kind of routine would work best for you (and your children if they are not on their own), and what color to paint the bedroom! Create a spending plan which includes the basics plus those things which will support you in developing your independence – maybe finishing college, getting a certification, developing your computer savvy, or exploring something you always wanted to do.
3. Become familiar with the divorce laws in your jurisdiction so that you know was in normal and customary in terms of alimony, child support and property division. Become an educated consumer just as you would if you were having your kitchen redone or taking a trip. Then you can come from a place of knowledge and can make a case for what you want.
Once you begin to have clarity about what you want and what it will cost, you will be in a better position to make a case for what you need to make that happen – and people will listen to the reasons you provide which are based on factual estimates and the desire to be in charge of your life moving forward.
And will that clarity and organized thinking, your attorney will be able to work with you to find ways to make the argument for what you want for you and for your children.
Make sure that a CDC Certified Divorce Coach® is one of your crew members!