Article by: Paulette Rigo
Next to the death of a spouse or child, divorce is THE most stressful life event you and your family will endure. Whether your divorce was your idea or your spouse’s, your life is likely being turned upside down.
I want to tell you my story…
One Women’s story of seeking her lost self, the ceaseless force of true love, the power of healing and the invisible desire for freedom.
Finding a tribe of support isn’t easy…in fact most people you think you can trust and count on…run and run fast! The spark of heat from the fire (conflict) and the smell of smoke (resentment and anger) is more than most can handle. So much so I kept 99% of it to myself. In those few cases where I shared with people I trusted it always came back to bite me.
It’s a good idea to talk to friends who have been through it themselves and ask them for advice first. I also suggest finding a good solid, confidential, experienced professional therapist instead of sharing with your friends and family. Gossip feeds on the divorce process. Or is it that divorce feeds on gossip?
I had to learn to take care of myself again. Ending my marriage was one of the toughest life experiences I’ve had and it left me drained and exhausted. People who pretended to care…did just that pretend. It’s all about saving face.
Even though I was the one who had the courage to admit the marriage was over first it was devastating and divorce was not the outcome I desired. I thought I was going to spend my life with this person, and bam … it’s over. That decision changed everything. The wedding, the dreams of happily ever after shattered.
We all had to deal with a swirl of emotions during that period.
It’s so difficult to make sure you’re eating healthy food, getting enough sleep, spending time outside, and doing whatever it is that makes you feel as good as possible…but make it a priority.
Your well-being and that of your children comes first.
Marriage isn’t an obligation…it’s a connection of love, honesty, respect and a desire to share all of yourself from both partners.
Divorce is 50/50%…Marriage is 100/100%.
Every day felt like a struggle to be someone I wasn’t. I never felt 100% heard, supported, respected, nor unconditionally loved. We went to therapy; I went to therapy…but it was a smoke screen of avoidance uncovering our vulnerability to be 100% open. He wouldn’t budge and I let go.
It took all I had to file, get through 8 1/2 years of litigation and a grueling trial. I learned more about the law, business, finance and real estate then I care to know. I also learned the meaning of patience, perseverance and persistence and the true meaning of letting go.
But you don’t have to stay stuck in the grief and uncertainty of divorce!
If you want to take back control of your life and emotions and look forward to writing a new chapter of your life!
Here’s a list of key strategies you must learn:
- Cope with the loneliness of divorce
- Deal with financial stress
- Stop anger and jealousy from eating you alive
- Guide your little ones through the process with love and reassurance
- Find beauty in the chaos
- Get your groove back
It’s time to let go of the past and look forward to your future! Restore a sense of balance to your home and rebuild a beautiful life for you and your children!
Founder, Better Divorce Academy
Host, The Thriving In Chaos Project with Paulette Rigo and Sonia Queralt