Article by: Angela Shanerman
You don’t have to do it alone.
Nobody ever said that divorce was fun and easy.
Those words have never come up for me or my clients. In fact, the words and feelings that have been expressed are more along the lines of painful, fearful, expensive, overwhelming, a nightmare, time-consuming, draining, stressful, etc.
And with that said, nearly 50 percent of first time marriages end in divorce! And the rate of divorce goes even higher for second and third-time marriages!
Many clients come to me and say, “I want a divorce” but they don’t know how or where to start. They are also so afraid of the divorce process and what will happen.
Perhaps, they have had friends or family members go through a horrible, expensive divorce. Maybe they have heard what they “should do” and “shouldn’t do”.
You can educate yourself, search the internet, listen to advice from well-meaning people, watch your friends get divorced, consult with divorce attorneys, go through divorce papers, and read books but at the end of the day how do you do it? How do you get divorced in the face of that fear, overwhelm, and the unknown?
It can be overwhelming to know that your family, as you know it, will never ever be the same.
Take a step back and consider this: divorce is such a uniquely personal, deeply private matter between two people who once chose to love and honor each other. Somewhere, somehow, something went wrong and off-course.
There could be a whole gamut of reasons as to why the marriage is dissolving — affairs, cheating, abuse, addictions, failing out of love, growing apart, etc. Whether or not you initiate the separation, are married a long time or short time, divorce impacts you emotionally at your very core.
Some divorces even take longer than the duration of the marriage!
Only you will know when enough is enough in your relationship but then to step into the divorce side is often more confronting. That old saying, “The devil you know vs. the devil you don’t know” is true about people being stuck.
But to step into the dark side — the divorce side — is another realm, to say the least. Some think of it as another dimension and, for some, it’s a whole new level of crazy.
You may especially feel this way when you step into a knowingly stressful divorce roller coaster ride of emotions and convoluted legal processes in which every area of your life is impacted from your children, family, and relationships…to money and finances…health, house, job, and career… all within a legal constraint that you pay for by the hour!
You’ve just thrown yourself into the quicksand that will suck the life and the very air you breathe right out of you.
So, what can you do? How do you make coping with divorce just a little less painful so you don’t feel so alone?
One of the ways to overcome and manage through the overwhelming fears and questions is to work with a trained CDC Divorce Coach®.
You may get dirty but the goal of working with a divorce coach is to minimize the impact in a manner that gives you clarity and confidence in your decisions.
Remember that only you are living your life. Being your safe thinking partner from a non-emotional and nonjudgmental standpoint, your divorce coach is often the first person that has really listened to you, your way of thinking, and your perspective.
They are able to reflect and assess your unique situation from where you are right now, to where you want to be, not in the far off dreamy someday type of way but in clear, actionable steps and accountability support plan type of way.
You get to decide how your new life will run and how you can manage it and take ownership of it. It’s not a one size fits all but a uniquely personal, compassionate and truly supportive environment to have when you feel like your world is collapsing.
When it feels like everyone is stepping out of your life, your coach steps in so you can live your best life.
Angela Ianuale Shanerman, CDC®
As a CDC Certified Divorce Coach®, I am your thinking partner and sounding board. From the pre-divorce stage to getting organized for divorce or after the divorce process I am here to support you through these challenges and to come through them with clarity and peace.
CDC Certified Divorce Coach ® Directory Listing – https://certifieddivorcecoach.com/user/angela-ianuale-shanerman/
Visit my website to read my other articles: https://angelashanerman.com/