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Article by: India Kern

Valentine’s Day is around the corner and everywhere you look, there are couples holding hands, and your social media feeds are flooded with romantic posts. Yet, in this sea of love, you find yourself on an isolated island of loneliness. The sting is particularly harsh when you think of your former spouse, now happily settled with someone new.

It feels almost unfair, doesn’t it?

They’ve moved on, seemingly unscathed, while you’re caught in a relentless loop of loneliness and heartache.

Seeing your ex-partner happy is hard. It can be a constant reminder of what you’ve lost – your spark, your happiness. You hate feeling this way, trapped in a vicious cycle. Every happy couple you see feels like a personal slight, a reminder of the void in your life.

Knowing how to emerge from this funk can be a challenge. It’s not just about distracting yourself or trying to stay busy. It’s about facing your emotions head-on and challenging the notion that this current state will be here forever.


By dwelling on the unwanted past or the fear of an uncertain future, we trap ourselves in a perpetual state of stress—a survival mode. This can manifest in various ways: obsessing over physical appearance, lamenting the losses incurred from a divorce, or anxiously wondering how long it will take to find a new partner.

Such a state of mind quickly becomes all too familiar creating a pattern or habit that can be difficult to break, and it’s certainly not a place you want to stay.

However, there’s a way to break the habit of being in survival mode which leads to the ‘Big 3’- Environment, Time, and Body.

These external factors often divert us from the path of true healing. Obsessing over physical appearance (body), lamenting the losses from a divorce (environment), and anxiously wondering about the time it will take to find a new partner (time) demonstrate how easily we can become snagged by external circumstances.

The key to authentic healing and transformation lies within you, and to harness this power, let’s take a look at how we can change from the inside out. We’ll start with a belief then move into behavior and end with the transformation of becoming what you aspire to be.

  1. Belief (Mind): This is the recognition that you are worth an extraordinary life and adopting the new belief. If you’re willing to change your thinking, you can change your life. Ask yourself, what are your strongest beliefs? Are they in need of a makeover?
  2. Behavior (mind and body): True transformation requires aligning your emotions (body) with a new way of thinking (mind). It’s not enough to just think positively; you need to fully immerse yourself emotionally in this new way of operating. It requires mentally rehearsing and embracing the feelings associated with being the person you aspire to be. Asking yourself, how would a confident person who feels content and loved act right now?

For more insights and guidance on this journey, download the cheatsheet: Reclaim Your Confidence After Divorce.

  1. Becoming (Wisdom): The final step is the convergence of believing and behaving. Here, you embody the change, transitioning from knowledge to experience, and ultimately to wisdom. It’s a journey from merely knowing what to do, to experiencing it, and finally, to becoming a part of who you are.

It’s when you change your state of being!

As you navigate through the aftermath of divorce, remember that the most profound changes begin within you. How you feel about yourself shapes how others treat you.

To support you on this path, I invite you to access the cheatsheet, “Reclaim Your Confidence After Divorce.” It’s tailored to help you rediscover your self-worth and embark on a journey towards a fulfilling and confident life post-divorce.



India Kern, CDC®

Certified Divorce Coach • Author • Podcaster • Speaker

India Kern, a seasoned Certified Divorce Coach, deeply empathizes with the disorientation that follows a divorce, a journey she insightfully explores in her book, “Surviving the Unwanted Divorce.” Drawing from her own experiences, she skillfully guides individuals through the emotional maze of this challenging time. Offering specialized support, India focuses on preparing clients for the practicalities of divorce while simultaneously addressing their emotional needs. She guides individuals to break free from survival mode, fostering transformation and self-love.

For those ready to turn a new page, India provides a complimentary consultation, ensuring you emerge from your divorce journey stronger and more confident. Connect with her at or book a call at your convenience and start your healing journey now.


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