Failure, sadness, heartache, fear, guilt, helplessness, loss, relief, and lack of ability are just a few of the emotions that run through your body while you are in process, during or after divorce.
You may have asked yourself by now. How am I going to get through this? Will this ever end?
These are mind chatters that run through our heads when divorce enters your life.
It could be that you haven’t been able to sleep or interfere with your ability to be present for family, kids, or work.
Does this sound familiar? You are not alone. The divorce process, of no longer being with someone you love or once loved, is devastating. It is a horrible lonely time, and the struggle is real.
I clearly remember those feelings when I had no choice but to divorce because of physical, mental, and emotional abuse 17 years later. Even though I knew it had to end. The process and confronting my secret marriage was one of the most difficult times of my life.
I needed to grab a new mindset and step in and learn a thing or two about speaking up, asking for what I needed, and experiencing my needs to be met.
Divorce forces you to be a new person. It doesn’t matter who made the decision or whose fault it was.
Between the covers, I needed to begin living in a confident, self-assured manner. The problem was I didn’t know how.
Divorce is one of those times when you will be more likely to question who you are, where you have been, who you loved, and the choices you made or didn’t make.
So what is it that gets in the way so we can’t feel the good about ourselves and are only left with the bad? Why do we experience heartache and feelings of despair?
We are fear-based creatures, and we handle the affairs of our own life by holding back.
Coping with a catastrophe such as a divorce. Whether it’s dealing with the loss of your ex-spouse, we are remarkably resilient as a species. We don’t fully understand the science, but we know the support of others is crucial.
Heartache and emotional pain are dark clouds filled with negative emotions. We all deserve to heal completely from whatever we are going through. No matter what you have done, what mistakes you have made, or where you are at this moment.
The process is not going to be easy, but it’s going to be worth it! Divorce can lead you to an extraordinary life! You heard me. It is possible.
It has been 13 years since the conception of my divorce. I am writing this new introduction because every time I lead or lecture, so many people thank me for this spiritual divorce journey. I awaken them to a new understanding.
Letting go of old truths and replacing them with a new truth. Live from that place, and it all be well.
Life presents us with many trials and tribulations. In my mind, there is no doubt that adversity is allowed for at least three reasons.
First, it will get your attention. Second, it will lead you to self-examination concerning your life. Third, it may bring you to a place where you will change your belief and your behavior in life.
There is a saying, “Life is like a game of chess. To win, you have to make a move. Knowing which move to make comes with in-sight, and knowledge, and by learning the lessons that are accumulated along the way.”
Rather than focus on the possible causes of pain and vulnerability, try to sort out what each hurtful incident means to you and what you can do to heal and improve. But do this with self-compassion, not self-criticism.
Nancy Weaver, CDC Certified Divorce Coach®
I am a Certified Divorce Coach for the past twenty-two years. I have worked with many families – High Conflict Divorce, Domestic Violence & Co-Parenting are my specialties. I am the author of “What? My Parents Are Getting A Divorce?” And, A Virtual “Live “Online Course Creator of “7 SHocking Truths Every Parent Should Know About Divorce & Kids.” & “Road Less Traveled,” Life After Divorce.
I have been there myself and my mission is for every parent to know that every child deserves the highest quality of life and peace of mind.
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