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Article by: Kimberly Rands

Census data shows the average American moves 11.7 times during their lifetime*. Sometimes this is by choice, often not. No matter the reason for relocating to a different place, a successful move requires effort and planning.

Some people have garage sales, sell items online, give to charity or throw away things that are broken or no longer useful. Others box or bag up everything indiscriminately: outgrown and outdated clothing, flat tires, broken pottery, every last thing in the junk drawer or on the closet floor, intending to sort through once they get to their new destination. Dragging along all this extra stuff is costly in time and energy and just delays the inevitable – letting go of unnecessary and unwanted items that tie them to the past.

Carrying old grudges, anger and resentment along on your journey through divorce will also imprison you in the past, keeping you from making good choices in the present. But how is it possible to forgive the hurts and injustices you’ve experienced?



And why forgive? Good question! Forgiving allows you to gift yourself the present, allowing you to more clearly see your options and to take control of your choices.


Moving from the past to the present, from blame to understanding, requires putting what happened in the past into perspective and transforming your perceptions of what you truly need for the future.

Forgiving others and forgiving yourself starts with RECOGNIZING the injustices and hurts of the experience without assigning blame. This in no way condones what anyone did, but it allows you to acknowledge your feelings without trying to explain them. Another person may have caused those feelings, but you can choose to not allow them to have authority or control over you and your future. How you respond to these feelings is your responsibility. You do not need to prove yourself right to be happy.

After having addressed the emotional pain you feel, take a breath and let go. RELEASE those thoughts and feelings. They may never be completely forgotten and may drift back into your mind as occasions trigger their return. When a thought or feeling that would prevent you from moving forward does creep into your present moment, acknowledge its presence and RELEASE it with a breath. You are in control.

Once you are released from anger and resentment that drain your energy, you can RECHANNEL it into something that has real meaning for you, something that will enhance your present and help build your future. Think about what makes you feel at your best, what makes you happy and fulfilled, what makes you proud. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could provide that to yourself regularly?

QUESTIONS to help you get started:

What do I need right now?
How can I better understand myself and my feelings?
What choices do I need to make?
What do I want to turn this pain into?
Where am I focusing my energies?
How can I better focus my energies?




Kimberly Rands, CDC Certified Divorce Coach®

Coaching involves the belief that the individual has the answers to their own problems within them.

As a coach, I am focused on helping the individual to unlock their own potential. The focus is very much on the individual and what influences their thinking.

I got through my divorce and you will as well. When my marriage ended what I looked forward to the most was peace and freedom from the chaos of an unhealthy relationship that impacted the entire family. Because I put my children first, I can now proudly say that they are thriving and well adjusted to the new life we share.

Some day this whole thing will be over for you as well. You too can look back on this as a time when you realized personal strengths and gained a new self awareness that helped you through the process as emotionally, financially and physically whole as possible.

I have a special interest in helping clients with children. I have specialized knowledge in children with learning disabilities, ADHD and/or health needs requiring both parents to be on board.




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